User writes: "I can save my work on point"

IT Response: "Really? Great. Thanx for updating us on the status.
                            You can tell me when its working any time."

User writes:
"My computer is weird.
I can't describe it, it's just... weird."

IT Response:
"So...tell me about 'weird.'
Tell to me about your mother."

Hello. The printer is not working.

Dear User, I know.
Sigh. :(
Right when my Library of Congress dump was almost complete.

To whom this may concern, When is the server going to be working?

Dear User, that depends on you. Our server was installed with the latest usage detection software and shuts off any user that it detects downloading porn. Please desist from all such activity. This note has been forwarded to management.

Do you know if the PPO plan covers chiropractic?

Dear user, Absolutly! No need to contact HR on this one.
I've got a great chiropractor! He takes EVERYthing. (but he prefers cash)

The internet is not working

Dear user, we have notified the Office of the President of the United States of America and the Office of Homeland Security of this catastrophic worldwide meltdown. We appreciate you bringing this to our attention. You should be able to surf the web once global communications have been restored.